He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
