Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
