Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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