I just cut my nipple shaving
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
