I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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