Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
is that a dick in a sweater?
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