I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
