oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The power of my boobs compel you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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