Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
