I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
