got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
