I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize