Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
