So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize