and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize