Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your cock deserves a montage
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
