i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
