That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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