Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
