Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
