tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
