I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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