If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
