Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
