Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
