Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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