Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
