My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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