he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
