I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
