I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
