Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
