I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
