It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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