You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
