please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
