I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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