found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
