I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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