can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
this is an emotional support booty call
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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