just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
