News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
