The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
