Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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