the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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