Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I deserve this hangover.
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