and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
