bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
