no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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