Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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