Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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