My cat gives me a boner
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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