apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
