plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
