I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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