I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
