On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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