sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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