Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
