office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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