Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
