i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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