don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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