just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize