hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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