I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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