life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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