Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
